Sunday, December 20, 2009

"Wives submit to your husband" = no opinion???

It's interesting.  In reading things online recently, I came across an opinion of a woman that I've heard before and it's always bothered me.  This is the idea that as Christian wives, we're never to question our husbands at all.  If our husband says "Let's move clear across the country." we're just to say "OK - thank you dear." and wait for his next instruction.  If he says "I think we need to sell all we have and invest it in this new business", you might be worried inside knowing that this won't work but saying "Yes dear" instead of voicing your thoughts.  I honestly don't see this supported in Scripture and I think it makes for a very dysfunctional marriage.

God created woman for man - to be a "help" to him.  The word "help meet" in the King James is "ezer" and is the same term that is used regarding the relationship between God and man in Scripture.  Psalm 33:20 says "Our soul waiteth for the Lord:  he [is] our help and our shield" and Psalm 121:1-2 says "I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  God is certainly not silent in our relationship is He?  He gives us His thoughts, His desires for us and reveals to us His heart.  Should we not do the same with our husbands?

I do not see how submission means to not give our opinions on things either.  By giving an opinion, I am not being unsubmissive at all but instead allowing my husband to have maybe more information or a different perspective on the subject.  In our over 24 years of marriage, there have been many times that my husband and I have disagreed about something, some big and some small, but we learned over the years to recognize the other person's relationship with Christ and the Spirit's voice speaking to them.  I've learned to stop and listen to him and to pray that God would align my heart with his wishes if that's what He desires.  I've also learned to respectfully and quietly present my thoughts on the subject and my husband has learned to not lead with an iron fist and a deaf ear but to utilize the "help" that God gave him in a wife and to see if what I'm saying is something that is absolutely valid and he needs to listen to.  We are not only husband and wife but brother and sister in Christ and God has used me to bring something to my husband's heart that he would not have thought of.  If I were to just sit back and never give my opinion, I'm no better than a slave or an employee rather than a part of "one flesh".

To tell wives that they are to never question their husband, never give an opinion or an insight is to me a very dangerous, marriage damaging and crippling advice.  I'm certainly not saying that we're to argue with our husbands or question everything they do but if something doesn't make sense, ask for more clarification.  If you see an issue with an idea they have, give your insight as a woman and child of God. If your husband even needs a correction from a sister in Christ, please by all means do so.  Know that it will not always be received well but if we keep our mouths shut all the time, their "help" is as good as a GPS with no compass.

Be discerning and always approach your husband with something that might be difficult after much prayer and self-evaluation.  Are you doing this in pride because you know more than him?  Are you doing this because he's an idiot who should know better?  Pray that God will shut your mouth if it needs to be shut or to allow your husband's heart to have been softened already to that particular issue.  With prayer and wisdom, you will not be a nag or hinderance to your husband but instead a sweet partner "help" who is led by the Spirit and completes and compliments him perfectly.

1 comment:

Molly said...


We might not agree on some things, but I agree 100% with you on this one. :-)

I have never understood why people always associate submission with "doormat!"

I always think of Sarah and Abraham.... no one could ever accuse Sarah of being a doormat!